Fate and I are having an interesting journey currently. I stopped off to have coffee and sent you a balloon note. I miss you.
I've been collecting all these seashells along the way. Some are hard and rough like calluses on the fingers after decades of hard work. Some are smooth and soft, baby fine. I put them in my pockets until I can go home and wash them clean, tend to them, and watch them shine - shimmering on the mantel of my heart. Each one so defined and special in their colors; each one I was so blessed to even touch.
I thought about you today. I thought about what paths we've walked. Our conversation about ducks in the back yard vs. the streets of a mad city. Did we choose our lives? When all those years ago I said I would walk, without question, this path with Fate... did I know that through all the shadows I would cross I would come here to this point staring off into the metaphorical ocean of self.
In a few weeks they are giving me my smile back. I wonder what it will be like to smile and not think about all the unecessary imperfections of my person. Will I really be happy? Am I doomed to never be satisifed with even those things that I desire so much in the world? I don't know... perhaps we are simply tragic and that is how it works for us.
My words are like salve on the souls of so many misfortunate people and only misfortunate in the way that they do not have what is within me to have. What is within you, when you look so deep and find me there also.
The night is growing and I am tired. I only missed you, missed the genetics that created me. I hope you are well and that your begger does not haunt you tonight so that you can sleep.
Love,
Manda