Surreal Vanity

I was thinking of Billie today and I went sifting through old writings of mine. I found this and although they were once my feelings, they reminded me so much of his.

i want to know how to love me, so i don't have to love you anymore. i want to be somewhere far away in the desert or the ocean, or a church on an island out in the middle of the sea. i want someone to want me, like i've never wanted me before, so that way i could feel like there was a sense of sensibility outside of myself, always true to myself, which is something you could never give. i want to breath without having to feel like i'm on a respirator. inside this mind, i want to stretch out and touch each side and not feel hindered by the words i cannot ever say. life is as life is, and just never goes my way.
i want to know how to love me, so i don't have to love you anymore. i want to fit these colors together so that i don't have to think anymore. there is no one here but concentration and he has a lot on his mind.