I wrote this in February 2005, think of the significance in years...
The meaning of eleven is: "Purity: when the expression is a True reflection of that which engendered it. Your love should thus be."
"My Immortal Beloved,
It has been nine years since I have last written you. I remember the last letter I had tucked away in our secret box that held all our memories together throughout my lifetime. It is with great sorrow to say that they had perished all those years ago and since that day I had no strength to compose to you our story.
I have held hope that you are still alive out there. I still feel your essence burn inside of me, that part of my soul lingering in pergatory with you. Sometimes it feels like you are right behind me and I shiver and close my eyes. I know that it is not time yet that you show me your face, but I know inside you, you remember mine.
They had told me that you did not exist, my beloved, my sin. They had told me that you were a fascination, an imagination, hallucination ... my ache for a want far deeper than reality. They had told me you were an illusion, but fear not my love for I know you are more real than the sun, the moon, and the stars. I know you hold a substance, outside of your world, here for me on this plane. I know it as I have known it as a child when I would sing to you outside of my window and you would stand in the shadows and listen. I have known it since the day I found Venus shimmering in the night sky and felt your eyes looking at that same bright [star]. Their words are less so. They are no more real than the fears they use to excuse themselves from life. I may not have ever seen your face but you are my naquah.
I miss you, my husband, and my soul is desirous and wanton for your love. I pray that I may succeed in the lessons in this life that you might be allowed to come to me. I do not believe I could wait another turn of the wheel to feel you again. I seek for you in the eyes of all my lovers, and you are not there. I seek for you in the eyes of all the strangers, and you are not there. I seek for you in the eyes of all my loves, and you are not there. I wait for you and my soul has been ever faithful, for lack of the rest of me, but that is all that we consist of in the end.
I pray, to your gods, to my gods, to this world and the next's gods. I pray you find me, for I am lost in this daze. Find me, beloved, and bring me to you. All that you seek is in me, and all that is left of me is within you.
Enternity,
Lle'mela"